After my experience on the subway and with the cab driver, I didn't do much for a few weeks. I was still feeling very conflicted. Dressing like I did and flaunting myself still felt shameful but I couldn't deny it was exciting. It certainly made me have a deep, intense orgasm Even though I continued to masturbate every day while watching porn, I could only achieve, soft little orgasms. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't come how I wanted to, how I needed to. It was very frustrating. Hoping to help me understand what I was going through I joined an online rape support forum. It did help to know other girls were having similar issues. I became friends with one girl in particular named Sue. Actually, she called herself 'Slutty Sue.' We chatted a lot online and she had experiences much like mine and said when she accepted being a slut she was able to find comfort. That didn't really make sense to me but she gave a really good explanation. 'Being a slut has come to have a negative meaning,' she said, 'because feminism and equality are misunderstood. In the workplace and voting and such, it makes sense, but in terms of sex, it's not the natural order.' 'But both men and women share pleasure when they have sex,' I said. 'But not in the same way,' she said. 'Think about how we talk about it. Men fuck us. We get fucked. They give us their cock. We receive their cock. It's really quite different.' 'Well, yeah, that's true,' I said. 'We try to make ourselves attractive to men so they will want to fuck us. When we're successful, like you said - making a guy get a hard cock - then our bodies respond appropriately.' 'So that's why I could orgasm so hard after the experience with the cab driver and on the subway?' 'Exactly - you made their cocks hard, your body instinctively thought you would receive a cock and your cunt responded in a primal way.' 'And that's why I can't really come by just watching porn and using a vibrator?' 'Right. You shouldn't even try. You should think of having an orgasm as a reward for doing your job as a woman. Your job at its most basic level is to make a man want to fuck you.' 'Wow,' I said, 'that's a pretty interesting way at looking at things. But I don't think I can dress like that. I felt so self conscious and dirty and I'd be afraid guys would just expect me to let them fuck me. That's what the cab driver thought.' 'That's ok, it's takes time and effort to overcome everything society has taught you. You need to work at it. It took me a long time too but now I feel honored when a guy wants to fuck me. Sometimes I let them too - LOL' 'Smile - I don't think I'm ready for that!' 'I love it,' she said. 'When a guy fucks you, you feel more complete. We are empty without a man. When he puts his cock inside you, he then controls both your bodies. He takes you. You are his. Think about the standard way you get fucked, on your back, legs spread, your innermost self revealed, waiting for him to invade and conquer you. When he comes inside of you he becomes part of you forever. If you take his cock in your mouth, he is not only inside you, he controls your most basic life force, your ability to breath. Complete control. When you swallow his sperm, it is his gift to you. Its almost spiritual, on your knees, hands clasped around his cock like you're in prayer, opening your mouth to receive his blessing.' 'Wow... that's pretty wild...' I said. I was flabbergasted. 'It is,' she said, 'I can help you get there.' 'I don't know,' I said. 'I mean, I understand what you're saying but I'm pretty nervous about it.' 'Step by step, Lisa, see where it goes. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do but maybe I can help you change your thinking, more importantly, how you feel.' 'Well, maybe, I guess. What do you think I should do?' 'First of all, no more masturbating! LOL.' 'LOL - ok, it hasn't been working very well anyway.' 'Then you have to overcome the shame you feel about your body.' 'How do I do that?' 'Well, it won't be easy and it will take time. First you stop covering your body up, get comfortable being naked. Whenever you're home alone, spend as much time as you can completely naked. The other thing is to wear high heels, they make you look and feel sexy. Dressed or not, you should always wear heels.' 'Why do you say that?' 'There are two purposes to heels. First they make your legs and ass look great. Second, and more subtle, they hobble you. It's an unconscious thing most people don't realize. They make it harder to walk, definitely harder to run, and so more vulnerable. Both men and women like that without being aware of it.' It was obvious Sue had thought deeply about everything. She was so confident and seemed happy, even fulfilled. I wasn't happy, certainly not fulfilled. Maybe I had been fighting my natural urges, hiding from who I was meant to be. 'Ok,' I said, 'I think I can do that.' 'Good, and I have a meditation exercise you might try,' she said. 'Ok, how do I do that?' 'When you go to bed, naked of course, lie on your back with a pillow under your ass. Pull your knees up and out, as wide as you can, and stretch your arms toward the corners of the bed. With your eyes closed, imagine a man standing over you, looking at you as you offer him your cunt. Concentrate on your cunt, picture your open cunt lips, your open hole, your clitoris, as he examines you. Become your cunt. Do that for at least ten minutes. You'll want to touch yourself, but don't. It's not time for that yet.' 'Wow, I'm not sure what to say but, ok, I can try.' 'Great!' Sue said, 'let me know how it goes. As you know, I'm online every day.' 'Sure, thanks Sue,' I said, 'I appreciate your help.' 'No problem,' she said, and logged off. I sat at the computer for a little while, feeling overwhelmed. Everything she said made sense, but it scared me too. I wasn't happy, though, and maybe Sue could help me learn how to be happy. With a deep breath, I got undressed and put on a pair of heels. Turning to look at myself in the mirror, I felt different, maybe a bit detached, as I looked at my reflection. Sue was right, somehow I felt vulnerable in heels and felt very naked but I also liked the way I looked. My tits aren't too big but they're nice and my cunt looks good shaved. Turning around, I also liked the way my ass looked because of the heels. I had some things to do, laundry, the dishes, and decided to get on with it. It felt strange to be naked as I walked around the house. Even though I was alone, I felt like I was on display. I was so focused on my body, the constant movement of my tits, the bare openess of my cunt as I bent and crouched while doing the laundry. Walking in heels seemed to accentuate my body's movement and, at times, I had to concentrate to keep my balance. Lying on the couch watching TV was hard because I was so distracted by my nakedness. I had to put on clothes before my Mom got home, of course, and after being naked all day, clothes felt strangely restrictive. It was all very confusing. When I went to bed, I did as Sue suggested and laid back, naked, with a pillow under my ass. Spreading my knees up and out, my cunt was very open and wet. Closing my eyes I imagined a man over me, staring. It made me horny and I wanted to touch myself but I left my hands stretched on the bed and just focused on my cunt, picturing my pink lips, hole and clit. After a few minutes, even though I hadn't smoked any pot, I almost felt high. My breathing was deep and I was light headed. My cunt became the center of my consciousness. I don't know how long I laid like that, the passage of time seemed dreamlike. Eventually, I fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke, I put on a robe and had coffee with my Mom. When she left for work, I hurried to my room, took off my robe, put on my heels and sat at the computer waiting for Sue to come online. Thankfully, it didn't take long. I told her about my first day of nakedness and meditation. I explained how uncomfortable and on display I felt. She said that was to be expected. She seemed pleased about my meditation experience. 'Did you touch yourself?' she asked. 'No, I didn't,' I replied. 'Good girl,' she said, 'but you wanted to, didn't you?' 'Yes,' I said, feeling embarrassed. 'I'm glad you're learning control,' she said. We chatted a bit more and then I started another naked day, ending up spread on my bed, meditating on my cunt. The next couple of days were much the same, naked all day, meditating when I went to bed. 'I don't if it's working,' I said when I chatted with Sue, 'I guess I'm more comfortable being naked and certainly walking better in heels, but I'm constantly horny.' 'LOL, I think you might be a natural slut. I didn't say you wouldn't be horny,' she said, 'you're just learning self control.' 'Oh, ok,' I said, 'because I really, really want to masturbate.' 'Slut! LOL,' she replied, 'remember, an orgasm is a reward for making a guy's cock hard.' 'I know,' I said. 'But you really want to come, don't you?' 'Well, yes,' I said, suddenly feeling ashamed. 'So, you want to make a guy's cock hard?' 'I guess that's what I need to do.' 'Good girl, you're learning,' she said. 'Tell me,' she continued, do you have any really sexy underwear?' 'Well, nothing too special, I guess.' 'Can you go shopping tomorrow?' 'Sure, I could.' 'Great!' she said, 'let's chat in the morning. I think we can be sure that by the end of day you can have the orgasm your slutty, little cunt needs.' 'Ok, thank you,' I said. Just knowing I might get to come the next day, my body began to react, my cunt getting damp and clenching. When I went to bed to meditate that night I had a hard time keeping my hands off my cunt. Lying there, spread open, wet, I was almost having soft, little orgasms without touching myself. Unable to control; myself, I really did feel like a slut.