My intestines aren’t gonna rearrange themselves

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is a so called actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Read it all. Do not skip any sections. Do not skip ahead.

Pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off around Halloween. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

CHILI, TEXAS STYLE !!!
Note from Frank: "Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfield, IL) I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light beer booth, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that even though I was inexperienced as a Chili taster, the chili >wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting {censored-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will >eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. Atleast during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

my ball sack is swollen and red and hurts really bad. i think my lower intestine is inflamed and possibly gangrenous as well...not to mention heart palpitations. its gonna be a long weekend.

I confess... that I hooked up with a guy from craiglist last night. I'm 23yo and just onut of a 2 year relationship with my GF , I have always been Bi-curious. So when I saw my chance on craiglist I thought I'd take the first step and suck my 1st cock! [Boy was I wrong , this was going to be more than that!] I reaplied to the add and met him in the street he stated. He was a black lad , called Tyron. He said we could go back to his place. Which was only round the corner. It was a little run down place , he sat on the sofa and got his cock out. IT WAS HUGE!!! At least 11 inches and about as thick as my wrist. I got on my knees and he said "Well! Suck it then bitch?" And forced my head down on his bellend , I could barely fit the head in my mouth but i sucked and licked , I got my cock out too and started to wank off. He was groaning loud as i sucked and grabbed the back of my head with both hands and groaned "Deeper slut , deeper!" He started pulling my head by the hair as if sliding on a condom as his dark meat slid down my throat. I could barely breathe as he slid in the entire length, his balls were on my chin and my nose was against his belly. He then started to buck his hips and LITERALLY fuck my face , And before i choked to death he pulled out. I lay on the floor retching. He just said "get up , your not finished!" This time i was ready , he fucked my mouth harder this time , pushing my head with so much force he was literally fucking my throat. He stop thrusting and held my head speared on his cock , I heard him grunt , felt his balls tighten and his cum gushed down my throat. His hips bucked twice more and he let go of my head. I fell to the floor choking yet again , stomach and mouth filled with his seed. He wanked the last few drops of cum out on my face whilst I lay prone on the floor. He walked off and came back a few mins later with a towel and two cups of coffee. I thanked him for the towel , and sat on the chair and drank the coffee , he just looked at me and said "you suck well for a newbie!" , the coffee was bitter , i drank it all and my head swam. Then I passed out. When i woke up I was in pain , I was now naked in a room on a bed. Underneath me i felt the heat of a body and in my nether a humongous trunk of a penis was pumping me. I heard a voice to my left say "oh good the sluts awake" it was Tyron now naked with another black lad at his side. The lad to Tyron's sides cock was even bigger , he wanked his monsterous cock slowly , erect is looked 13 inches!!! Underneath me the black lad fucked his python even harder and deeper , it was like being fisted to the elbow. As the body below me pulled back the anxiety of the next thrust was overwhelming, then he slammed it back into me like a sledgehammer. Each thrust felt like explosives were going off inside me from my asshole through to my lower intestine. It was scary but exciting and pleasureable at the same time. I couldn't cry out in pleasure or pain as Tyron had stuffed my mouth again. I could barely breathe but the asphyxiation along with the monster pounding me... it was exhilarating! This carried on for 20/30 minutes , i could feel the sweat on the chest of the man below me , and the sweat dripping off of Tyrons face and chest dripped on me. Then the 3rd silent strange stepped up. I gasped and choked as he too fed his cable into my arse ,my hole had never been stretched so far in my entire life. At that point my cock went ridged and i could hold back no longer... I cried out like a banshee!!! It felt like my anal muscles were going to snap with these two hard hot pistons plowing me. They pumped me like this for over an hour , they were relentless. During that time I came twice ,spraying spunk all over my stomach and chest. The constant pummelling prostrate was the only enjoyment i recieved. These 3 black lads were trying hard to break me ,and they tried real hard. My heart was racing so hard it hurt and i was running out of breath faster that i could breathe it in. And then the avalanche started... Tyron came ,and then the two monsters in my colon exploded. I too came , so hard infact that i passed out. They must have used me all night because the next thing i remember is opening my eyes and i'm sat on a park bench , clothed. But with a wet feeling in my jeans which was a combination of my cum and their seed leaking outta my colon. My face and neck were still plastered with cum , and the salty taste was still in my mouth. I hailed a cab and it took me home , all sunday [today] , i have layed in bed with mixed emotions about the even, yes its was "gang rape" , but i the orgasms i had were the hardest of my life... Has anyone had anything like this happen to them?

i was brutally fucked in the shower by a giant nigger cock. i know how that sounds, but it was real. it was the worst pain of my life and i thought i was going to
die. i had only been fucked once before and he used a condom and was gentle. this time it was nothing but raw and brutal.

it started when i saw his cock and was literally shocked and speachless. we were in the shower area of the locker room. he had just gotten out of the hot tub and
his cock was only semi-hard but still huge. he looked at me funny then asked if i liked what i saw. all i could say whas i i i i and breath heavily. he said it's
yours if you want it. i don't quite remember what i said but i think it wa something along the lines of shove it in me and get it over with. he says are you certain
you can take it, and i say no but i need to and will do anything for it. piss in me if you want. he says you're a kinky white boy aren't you and i respond with
fuck me raw. blow my ass open. my mind is being taken over by lust at this point and i just spread my ass cheeks and walk into a shower stall. he follows me in,
closes the curtains behind him, turns on the shower, and then grabs me and pushes me against the wall.

here i was, pinned in the shower with no way out, this huge cock about to be jammed into me, and my mind just goes blank with pure lust, that is until he slams it
into me. my body immediatly started convulsing in pain. the moment he started putting it into me the pain was blistering, and it didn't get any better.
normally when i use a dildo and end up going a little too fast at first, i stop and take it out, but he just kept pushing it into me. it seemed like just when it was
as deep as it would go, he changed angle and pushed hard and it popped past something inside of me. by the time he got all 10 inches into me, i felt like i would die
simply from getting my guts destroyed, not to mention the tearing he did to my anus. here he is balls deep inside of me, and he is getting thicker, or at least
harder, and my anus is getting blown wider. he's balls deep inside me, and i am experiencing total anal rape pain, from being fucked too deep, by too thick a cock,
to him being really rough and not using lube. he held in me this way, allowing his cock to get fully hard. i think he also got a bit longer too. not much, maybe an
inch. here i am in a world of pain, a blown out and bleeding anus, and a penetrated intestine, and he hasn't even started fucking me yet. he starts by pulling back
slowly, and i gently shake in pain, then he slams it inside of me and i convulse in pain. he does 2 more of these gentle pullouts and slammings, and the pain is
shooting through my body, and then he just starts hammering me. i'm being fucked raw and brutal by a monster of a 10 or 11 inch dick, and the pain is unberably
horrible, too horrible and unberable. i pass out shortly after, which looking back saved from experiencing a lot of pain and maybe saved my life. i don't know how
long he fucked me or how many times he came, and i'm glad i don't have to know. maybe i also passed out from him holding his hand so tight on my mouth and arm
so tight around my body.

i wake up being shaken by a guy i see there regurally but don't know his name. he is asking me if i'm allright. i'm laying there in a puddle of cum, blood, urine,
and specks of my own shit, my entire body seems to be screaming out in pain, and all i can say yeah. he asks me if i'm certain, and again i say yeah. he askes if
i need any help, and i say no. i really don't remember the thoughts going through my head, but i can assume what they were. i asked for a brutal fucking and got
far more than i bargained for and am worried now that i might end up dying or have permanent damage or something. he leaves, i just lay there for a minute
before picking myself up and leaning against the shower wall. for the next few minutes i just stand there quietly sobbing and whining before finally getting the
strength to start washing my body off. after washing, i go to my locker, grab my towel, sit down, dry off as quick as i can as best as i can in the pain that i am in,
then i get dressed and leave. it's a bit of a struggle to get into my car, and when i sit down i feel a jolt of pain. it hurts just to sit down, and it did for a
while. i wasn't able to shit right for a week.

thinking back i was a fool to ever say anything to him. even if he wasn't as brutal as he was, it still would have hurt like hell. i'm just lucky i haven't suffered
anything permanent because of it. i don't really think of myself as a rape victim, and on occasion i even fap to these memories, but at the same time i would never
wish such an experience on anybody. i had fantasies of getting fucked hard by a big duck, but i never wished for that hard of a fucking and he was just too big.

i've never been back there since, and if i ever go to another gym without a private shower i would wear a butt plug so at least i would be lubbed and my ass would
be stretched before anybodies cock ever touches it. i do fantasise about being fucked, but now they are only normal sex fantasies and nothing too hard.

It’s time for a all anal gangbang. 1 like equals one load in her intestines.

I confess that I took the most horrific shit I've ever taken then used the only thing I had in the bathroom to wipe my ass, the Quran. The pages were easy to rip and felt quite nice on my bum. I would rip a few pages then like tissue use the soft page against my asshole. I thought I was done at first, but more came and the rest of the pages worked magically to erase the feces that was flowing out of my intestines.

To be honest, it was the best feeling in the world. I finally found a use for such a pointless book that has led to the murder of millions of people.

I've had a dildo for a while, but I don't really use it that much. I'm always afraid of getting stray shit on my sheets, so I always clean myself out really good. So last night I was bored and I gave myself a quick enema and lubed it up real good. I wen slow until the base was barely sticking out. I've never had it that deep before and it fucking hurt! Not that thats a bad thing. So I left it in there, pretty sure it was in my intestines. I had it in for 2 hours and didn't want to take it out, but after I came I had to go to bed.

When you’re done rearranging my intestines I’ll swallow my ass cum

I confess that I am about sick of you doo doo loving motherfuckers who keep uploading shit festivals. I hate it when I see a thumb of a hot chick and open it only to read that the title is something like "hot lesbian scat babes" or something like that. Here is a lesson for you fuckers: You chew food then swallow, stomach acid breaks down food further, food goes into your guts and is mixed with enzymes such as tucking BILE. Your intestines squeeze the food and extract and absorb water and nutrients as the enzymes and bacteria in your gut continue to break it down, rot it and make it stinky. You then poop and either flush it or bury it or run like hell from it........you don't rub it all over yourself or eat it. Fuck, it's already been eaten once, it's dead, used up, spent. Fuck you shit loving motherfuckers, I wish that I could send you all to an island with a lifetime supply of refried beans and exlax where you could all just eat beans and shit on each other until you either died of liver failure or ecoli. You'd be happy, I'd be happy and the mother tucking shit eating maggots, tumble turds and beach crabs would be happy. Fuck you.

Chasing the golden log! I confess I've become something of a scat connoisseur. Of my own scat, anyway - I don't have any partners with which to try this stuff with. I never thought I'd find scat appealing, but I've always been into kinky shit, and you know how one thing leads to another and boredom and curiosity can get the better of you...

Hopefully there are some people out there who get this (shout out below if you do); there is a particular type of shit that is just "perfect". It's the best for playing with and tasting and makes you way more aroused than "sub-standed" shit. I guess the properties are subjective, but the following are the attributes of the "golden log" for me:

Colour: a perfect medium-brown almost the same as milk chocolate. Ever so slightly darker than that would still be ok, but very dark stuff tends to be dehydrated and hard. I don't get off on little rabbit droppings nor on green or yellowish sloppy stuff.

Texture: Not so soft that it's sloppy or won't keep its shape if you press it into one, not so hard and devoid of moisture that it's separated up into little "rabbit dropping" type balls. The texture should be like fresh play-dough, for the only analogy I can readily think of. This really depends on the amount of water present, so I guess you have to be decently hydrated at the right times during digestion to produce such logs.

Homogeneity: Should be uniform and homogeneous throughout, without bits of corn or nuts or fibrous material from fruits or a smattering of undigested coconut or bits of seaweed from sushi or whatever. I tend to want to spit those bits out when tasting those types of turds and it just seems to take away from the experience.

Smell: If the log has the above attributes, it will generally have the right smell. It's hard to describe to people used to taking one whiff of any shit and thinking it's gross and trying not to smell it again, but if you have allowed yourself to get used to the aromas of various scats and to even enjoy this sensory experience, "earthy" may mean something to you. It's actually this that I think plays the biggest part in the fetish, turns me on the most, when it's just the right smell. It's a rich, dark, earthy smell that actually smells like it's good to eat, although that might just be me. Sometimes I will still smell shit after someone' used a toilet and it smells wrong, like that person must be sick or something, it does not smell good. It makes me wonder how unique this smell might be to me, or if a similar diet would produce a similar smell in others.

"Column" Segment: Your intestines change a scat bolus as it moves through them. Generally, the biggest change is how much water has been absorbed from it. This has been born out by what I've noticed about my scat - that there are 3 distinct sections to a decent-sized log:

1. The head, that exits your anus first, tends to be too dry, as it is the oldest and has been al the way through your intestines and has been the section to let you know you need to shit.

2. The mid-section, or what I call the "goldilocks" section, as it's usually where you find the material that is "just right".

3. The tail, that exits your anus last, which is usually more sloppy than the rest because it's not had the same amount of processing time in the intestine for water to be reclaimed from it, and which tends to smell and taste "acrid" or bitter, which again I assume to be due to that intestinal processing. This bitter shit is almost instantly recognisable to me over other kinds, and when I smell it I don't need to taste it to know it won't taste very nice. Likewise, when I smell that rich, earthy smell, I already know it's going to taste amazing and I'm going to have to try hard not to just eat it up and swallow it (I swallowed some once, without trying to puke it up straight away, and felt quite ill not long after, with my body forcing me to throw it up anyway).

I posted this not long after laying one of these "golden logs" and having a grand time tasting and smelling it while sliding my large dildo up my arse and wanking. I started out by drinking some piss, which itself can vary based on hydration, salt intake, diuretic intake, etc, but I find a bit boring now, compared to chewing on shit. I was trying to tease out the enjoyment, but it was such nice shit I found myself cumming quickly and had to shove it all in my mouth at once as I came. I actually felt like it was a shameful waste to take it out of my mouth and flush it, afterwards, wishing I could wrap it in cling-film and save it for the next session (though I doubt that would turn out well). I also really wanted to swallow it, but as stated, I'm fearful of a repeat of the last time I was brave enough to try that. I hate feeling sick and throwing up.

I'm guessing this is probably the most detailed analysis of one's own faeces in ML confessions, but if you've read this far and found it entertaining, interesting or can relate to any of the above, do let me know :)