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When my wife(19) left me(22) I was mentally broken and I let a lot of people use me. well not that many but a few. In particular I had my first same sex experience. I am not attracted to men. but for some reason I was absolutely willing to be truly abuesd. there were four(almost 5) men and three girls and one much older woman I did things with. the first experience He was between 40-50 chubby stubbly and actually not handsome in anyway. he made me into a regular fuck. he'd come around 2-3 times during the week and use me. the first couple of times were just oral. he told me to be in just a t-shirt and boxers when he arrived. the very first time he told me to get on my knees open my mouth and stick out my tongue. i closed my eyes. heard him unzip as he asked i if had ever sucked on a dick before. I replied, no. I think he liked that. he shoved a weak semi hard cock into my mouth and told me to suck him till he finished. he made me deep throat the first time. I didn't throw up or gag too bad. he wasn't as long as me but he was thicker. he finished on my face and said to be on my knees mouth open just like today next time he came over. he said he wanted me to call him daddy.

The guy liked my quietness and submissiveness and said I was very cute. he eventually got me to give up my anal cherry. he started by pulling me to my bed told me to set up doggy style he pulled down my shorts and licked my hole. I was so shocked and scared. I started apologizing but he said I was clean and he liked how I tasted. i tried to tell him not to because I afraid of catching something. I didn't want him to fuck me. he said he had a rubber and made me slide it onto him with my mouth. then he licked my butt some more and spit n it. I was so embarrassed. he slid it in and fucked me telling i was such a good boy. he kept at it for a few minutes then said the condom was probably making it hurt more and took it off and slid back into me before i could reply. he pushed my face down into the bed hard so to keep me from resisting. I was scared I felt raped and dirty and violated. I could feel him building up to orgasm as he said i'm going to breed yu. I started struggling and trying to push him off but he just held me down Ive never been very strong. he started saying be a good girl and take it. then he came in me. it was a lot there was so much. i just layed there cum dripping from my butt hole. he started chatting saying how good and nice i was as he started fingering my wet hole. I kinda felt good that i made him feel good but also like i was just raped because he didn't stop when he should of.

he kept fucking me for about 4-5 months 2-3 times a week sometimes less. he wanted to be my daddy and i had to be his little girl. he always preferred to cum in my ass. i tried to get him to use my mouth but he'd use it to get hard then he'd flip me around and slide in like i was property. i just finally gave in and let him tell me what to do. he preferred to take me doggy though a couple of times he spoon fucked me pinning me down my legs hooked immobile in his, my arms pinned and his hand on my throat. sometimes he'd make me cry and he'd muffle my mouth or force me to suck on his fingers. I finally cut him off when he started calling me his bitch and he was gonna breed me like a bitch in heat. he usually talked awful like that but it got worse and worse and when he wanted me to give it up to his dog i didn't let him come back.

I then found another guy(Teen) but i was scared after that first guy and just sucked him off till he came in my mouth. I never talked to him again.

There was another guy(30's) but he didn't like me and got super paranoid after he smoked something. Maybe pot but I think must have been stronger cause he kinda flipped out.

the fourth guy(20's) was a random thing and had a huge piercing on his junk that made me bleed he came in my ass because he ripped the condom. he was nice enough but he left me dripping cum and blood so I never saw him after that.

The fifth guy(50's) was big bristly fat but scary strong and gray. he took me to his house after finding me online. it was a long drive(longer than he said it would be) maybe 40 min I was so scared. deep into the country. truly the middle of nowhere. He had an incredible house was well off. very smart. gentlemanly. but he scared the living out of me because i don't get lost easily and I was really lost. I had smoked a huge 2gm joint before he picked me up. when he got me to his house he made me lots of sweet cherry alcohol drinks(hard stuff too) and then gave me something called a popper to sniff i've never heard of that or since but the whole night was disorienting. I'm tall and slim nerdy and with few muscles and he was built like a brick house short thick and he had muscles. he had gay porn on and asked if i would dress up cute for him. He pulled out a few boxes of women's clothes and kink outfits I of course gave in. I dunno why. I'd never cross dressed before. He picked out the kind of clothes that drove me wild when I was with my wife. A long tight thin dress(the grope fantasy kind) nylons a black bra and matching panties. he said he wanted me clean so he showered and washed and shaved me before he dressed me. I didn;t have a hair left(except on my head) after he was done. The whole time he kept up with the alcohol and poppers. I was feeling pampered and feeling good. Between my submissive nature and all this attention and admittedly the fear I was getting truly turned on. He asked if he could tie me down but I couldn't let him. I was far too afraid. He told me I was passable or more or something. and he loved me and I really gave into him. I dunno why(maybe the drugs and stuff) but I let him have it all. He took me so many times that night I lost count. I fell asleep in his bed with him. and if my ass brushed into his cock he took me again. he fucked me in ways I was sure would break my body. he put my ankles up next to my head and I thought I would die. In the morning before he would drive me home I had to cum for him. That was the first time a guy had ever expected me to cum. I always had just given. Even with my wife I had mostly given though I did cum often in and for her. I'm not easily pushed to orgasm. So he made me lay in his bed stroking myself until I came. when I got home I fell asleep with his cum still in me and he had fucked me so hard long and roughly I was bleeding again. I of course never contacted him again but I've been tempted. The way he treated me was really well even if the whole ordeal made me feel like i was going to be murdered. that was my last bi/gay experience.

i might tell the stories of the girls i did stuff with during my breakdown but I mostly just wanted to get this out there. I'm a loner and I don't have any family so I've never had anyone to confide in I also have high functioning autism and PTSD from being orphaned and put in the system. Might be why I took my separation with my wife so hard. that and the abuses she inflicted on me. I'm just looking for any genuine thoughts. I don't want to be heckled. I know that what I did was weird and disturbing and dangerous. But I wasn't my normal self. So yea. that's about it.

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