I confess that my new hobby started as an initial statement against the invasive TSA procedures. My job requires me to travel every couple of weeks. I got tired of the pat downs, the questions, the shoes, belts,etc. The final straw was the new screening machines that look at every nook and cranny of your body.
So a few trips ago I replicated the stunt from Jack Ass where they stuck a toy car in a condom and inserted it in the guys anus. Sure enough they all went balistic and took me in another room made me strip and held me down and stuck a finger in my butt found the car and took it out. For some reason they didn't think it was funny. I not only found it hilarious but also found myself somewhat stimulated. Well after some questioning they let me continue my trip. I told them I was at a bachelor party and passed out and some friends must have pranked me. Well ok one guy laughed.
Another trip I found a bunch of small ball bearings, lubed up my ass with olive oil and again got pulled aside. Stripped and probed. The joke was one them this time as I also took a medical doss of laxatives right before hand. The fat TSA guy didn't get more than one knuckle in before I shat all over his arm. HA HA HA!!! When they finally let me up I didn't even try to hold back. One guy even puked! Must have been all the German sausage and sushi I had been eating for three days. Well this time I told them it was a medical device for colonic therapy. They looked askance at me but eventually let me go. They didn't allow me to clean up completely though and I stank out the whole plane. One of the pilots even came on the intercom and asked what the smell was. So I felt kinda bad at that one.
Yet another trip I used a high density resin epoxy butt plug. This time I just plain told them I was a dirty fag which of course I am not. I am married with children and love my wife. Well I knew they would not want to discriminate against homosexuals so maybe this is the best course of action.
So now I mostly just rely on butt plugs of different varieties. Most of the TSA guys have come to know me by name and I feel we have developed a sort of friendly fraternity over this. Well except for the guy I shit on.
Does this make me gay?
