33 white male. i've been in love twice in my life. both times with beautiful petite white women. both lasted 8+ years. and finally, both relationships ended with me finding out they were cheating on me with huge black guys. i walked in on lindsay. i heard her screaming bloody murder as soon as i got inside the front door. but she wasn't being murdered. when i ran in, we were all in shock. the man stood up and i saw the size of his over-sized, unfucking fair fucking big big black cock, i knew exactly why she was cheating on me with this man. i felt my heart sink to my stomach and my white dick shrivel up two sizes, instantly.. how the fuck did this happen to me again? The worst part - now i want big black cock like that to find and fuck me. and i'm terrified that i will seek that out. i'm straight. i've always been straight. i want to be straight. my head is all fucked up now.

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This happened many years ago, in my 20s, and I still think about it.

I had this friend, she was a beauty, but a real beauty, the kind of, no man cant ignore. We were close, and even though I looked pretty good myself back then, she was always the star of the show. Maybe, just maybe, there was some resentment over it - guys would always approach her, when approaching us, and I did feel a bit overshadowed by her. But she was a good friend, my confidence, someone I could always rely on.

Of course we talked boys, and I was always a bit ashamed by how open she was about it - I was always more timid, both in talk and in action.

One summer, we were at the beach, and her bf of the time was with us. Just a lovely day, and she didnt pay much attention to him. She had a lots of short term relationships, she was never alone, but none of these were serious. As the evening was coming, we went for the one last swim, he stayed in his beach chair. When we got back, all wet, she started joking with him.

"Oh, I see that you are enjoying yourself."
"Two beautiful ladies with me, sun, beach, what is there for a man, that can be better."

I didnt quite get it at first, but soon enough it came to me, that she was talking about his boner, he tried to hide.

"Cover yourself, we have got a maniac here" she continued with the jokes. I saw he felt a bit awkward. "Stop it"

Then, she sat in his lap and started kissing him. Hated feeling like a third wheel, so I just laid down, trying to get some sunshine, before it goes down the horizon.

"Oh man, you are crazy."

Ignored it.

"Hey, cmon, stop it."
"You dont want me to stop."

I cant remember if those were the exact words, but it was something like that. When I turned my head, she was giving him head, right there, on the spot.

He looked at me and just shrugged his shoulders, with a smile. Our spot was a bit secluded, and no one was around, at the moment, but still, it was surreal.

Decided to look away, but there was a devil in her.

"You are looking at her, arent you? He is looking at you" she almost yelled through laughter, only to continue the act. On the next intermission, and I was still looking the other way, almost like on a look out, she yelled "come here".

This part, I cant quite remember. I guess it is some kind of shock. I cant remember when I got up, what I was thinking, nor how I approached it. I remember his smile (and he was a damn handsome man, a bit older than us), and that I was there, on my knees, laughing with her. It is all a blur. We were kissing it together, than kissing each other, she was stroking it while it was in my mouth, I was licking his balls while she was sucking it... At this point, the details might as well be an add on to the story, because I am not sure if I remember them, or they are a fragment of my imagination, built on over the years of reminiscence.

At one point, while I was doing my job, she backed of, for a second, only for me to feel he hands on my hips. She pulled my one piece to the side, and I felt her hands on me. It felt like a fever dream. He was slightly moaning, while pushing my head down, I was moving my knees back, and arching my ass to give her access, felt her tongue and lips on my clit, and I was hot and wet long before she even touched me. Couldnt breathe, both from his cock and the excitement, while moving my hips, in an effort to get more traction on her lips.

When she moved her lips up, over my anus, and started licking it, while rubbing my clit - black out!!!

My knees gave up, entire body was shaking, I got him out of my mouth, lay my head on his thigh, while almost screaming from joy, while feeling through my right hand, in which was his cock, the spurts of cum shooting out, and him moaning.

It was a perfect storm.

The intense of this orgasm is hard to explain with words, this was just a bad effort of it. Got home in haze, remember we were all laughing, but besides that, it remained a black hole in my mind.

She dumped him, a few days later, and since she didnt mention it the first time we met afterwards, I decided to act like it never happened.

Only glimpse of memory, that I ever saw in her, was when I was getting married, and she was my maid of honor, she jokingly said "this one stole you from me, for good".

I have never done something similar, ever again, but that one experience lead me to places like this one, to help me relive it, as I have been, over the last 15 years.

We are still best friends, but I sometimes wonder, if there was a different road my life could have went down, but after many doubts, and many sleepless night, I realized one of these two things - I love men way more, or that I am one big coward.

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